"nevermore".

In downtown Berkeley, crows sing in the sunrise. High above the street this morning I tossed and turned, unsleeping, and watched the sky peel back its colors from black to pink to orange to silver. I lay unsleeping and listened to the crowsâ�™ guttural cawing, and I thought how sad, to love the sunrise and be unable to echo it.

I see myself as a sort of monster at times. A heavy-footed troll, incapable of light touch and beau geste, I stomp around finding pretty things and trampling on them. There is no grace and no finesse about me, just a great muddle-brained dinosaur who doesnâ�™t return phone calls, never pulls a punch, is always desperate for money and cigarettes â�“ and who is known far and wide for disappearing without a trace, leaving a wide wake of the wounded. I come, I see, I crush, and then I wander off into the sunrise, cawing absentmindedly.

Krut wants to know where I have been writing lately; he canâ�™t find it. The truth is, I have not been writing. Iâ�™ve hardly written a thing since I came to Berkeley. Somehow I became a web designer, and I suppose that is that?

No, it isnâ�™t, but the writing does need some attention to start up again. Iâ�™ve forgotten what it feels like to string words together all the way from deep inside my belly, forgotten what my own voice sounds like, forgotten how to find it.

I am leaving you, Buzznet.

Buzznet, thou hast shortfallen me. I was never comfortable here, never able to create a world of my own the way I could with a real blog. I came here because itâ�™s where my favorite bloggers are, and because I didnâ�™t want to go it alone â�“ but I was never a photographer, and didnâ�™t want to be. I took pictures because I needed something to bring people to my writing; if I didnâ�™t have pictures to post, I didnâ�™t write. Well, forget that. If I was a photographer I would be endlessly happy here, but Iâ�™m not and Iâ�™m not.

Fare thee well, sweet Buzznet. May all your dreams be lucid.

Things are starting up in a new arena: finally, after months of almost doing what I wanted to do, I have been given a little extra time, and I have done it. There is a new site in the works, and if you want to know you can send me a message, kids. I warn you now that it will be words and not pictures. Itâ�™s for the best, you know.

xoxoxxx
the Hun

best of 2008

I made a lil gallery for my favorite pictures from last year.

ps I stole the idea from artsysf, via paxgitmo.

Hunhun's Journals

"nevermore".

best of 2008