"nevermore".
In downtown Berkeley, crows sing in the sunrise. High above the street this morning I tossed and turned, unsleeping, and watched the sky peel back its colors from black to pink to orange to silver. I lay unsleeping and listened to the crows’ guttural cawing, and I thought how sad, to love the sunrise and be unable to echo it.
I see myself as a sort of monster at times. A heavy-footed troll, incapable of light touch and beau geste, I stomp around finding pretty things and trampling on them. There is no grace and no finesse about me, just a great muddle-brained dinosaur who doesn’t return phone calls, never pulls a punch, is always desperate for money and cigarettes – and who is known far and wide for disappearing without a trace, leaving a wide wake of the wounded. I come, I see, I crush, and then I wander off into the sunrise, cawing absentmindedly.
No, it isn’t, but the writing does need some attention to start up again. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to string words together all the way from deep inside my belly, forgotten what my own voice sounds like, forgotten how to find it.
Buzznet, thou hast shortfallen me. I was never comfortable here, never able to create a world of my own the way I could with a real blog. I came here because it’s where my favorite bloggers are, and because I didn’t want to go it alone – but I was never a photographer, and didn’t want to be. I took pictures because I needed something to bring people to my writing; if I didn’t have pictures to post, I didn’t write. Well, forget that. If I was a photographer I would be endlessly happy here, but I’m not and I’m not. Fare thee well, sweet Buzznet. May all your dreams be lucid. Things are starting up in a new arena: finally, after months of almost doing what I wanted to do, I have been given a little extra time, and I have done it. There is a new site in the works, and if you want to know you can send me a message, kids. I warn you now that it will be words and not pictures. It’s for the best, you know. xoxoxxx
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Krut wants to know where I have been writing lately; he can’t find it.
Buzz Feed
Remember that book you lent me when I was slaving away on the Young Adult Novel, about the elective mute abuse victim? She was only able to get healed by writing everyday. And she only regained her voice after other people read her writing.
I am being hermit-ish myself lately. On my fabulous, much anticipated four day weekend, I canceled all my plans and stayed home (alone) and watched the DVD version of "Speak". Same story, different twist -(and they fucked up the plot tension) - the girl who is no artist, uses an assigned topic to show her pain and redemption. She finds a different voice.
I can't wait to see your blog. I will probably not know how to comment. That is my muteness as present.
The world is too much with us, and sometimes you have to disappear into one of these false worlds.
Your writing is amazing, even this --which I know you wouldn't consider your sharpest writing, out of modesty or simply out of "blah," "it was forced," etc.
I would enjoy proof-reading your work. I am trying to become a writer myself. I will PM you so that we can talk.
I think you were distracted by her artsy b00tz *laffs*
HUN HUN- Josh is an awesome fucking writer, seriously. And his offer to "proof-read" is said with sincerity and is not some lame attempt at your love. He really enjoys proof-reading. Also, would you please send him some shit to read, becoz he really needs some inspiration/ motivation to get off his own ass and write some shit of his own.
LUV YA :0)
YOKO- no,no fucking bad writer me am. i don't enjoy proof-reading, it ranks with having my genitals kicked repeatedly. i don't need inspiration/motivation i have plenty to go around. everybody wants everybody but themselves to be doing what they wish they were doing, but i say our advice for others is our own medicine!!